The Sinking Girl
by LILDAWGz
Summary: 'It was only a matter of time I kept telling myself, until another disaster would happen. More deaths, more screams and more loss. More walkers.' When Avery Sinclair's family is taken away from her, will she succumb to the darkness or survive in the light? A Carl x OC fanfiction. Starts at the beginning of Season 3.
1. Prologue

***Authors Note***

 **So, guys….. I decided to write a new story. That doesn't mean I will stop uploading to my other story though! (Although I don't really do that often anyway). I'm hoping for this story to be completed by the end of the year, it's gonna be a** ** _long_** **ride. I would just like to warn you, this will NOT be faced paced because I care about my characters and their development. So if you're looking for a one-shot or a quick story, THIS IS NOT IT. Otherwise, I hope you guys enjoy!**

 **Prologue**

Carl's arms are tight around my waist, cocooning my body like a caterpillar against his chest. The heavy blankets -strewn across our entwined figures- are tossed haphazardly over the bed.

I am warm, and I am safe.

I feel better than I have in a long time, these feelings and sensations almost unrecognisable to my senses.

The constant shiver in my bones that had once shaken me uncontrollably had finally subsided.

The slight tingle on my neck that would warn me of a dangerous approach rarely appeared.

Even the panic and madness that overtook my mind had locked itself away and thrown away the key.

But it never truly went away.

I could feel it; the place in the back of my head that felt fragile and on the verge of collapse.

It was only a matter of time I kept telling myself, until another disaster would happen.

More deaths, more screams and more loss.

More _walkers_.

I shudder at the thought of the rotting undead corpses that plagued my daily life. It was true; Alexandria's walls are sturdy and they keep the dead out. But I could still hear the occasional lifeless moans, or thuds against steel if I tried hard enough. I suppose it was a good thing, I would never forget the true horror beyond the walls.

''Avie?'' Carl's sleepy voice drags my attention from my own thoughts.

I breathe out an answer, rolling over to face him. His shockingly blue eyes meet my deep green, although his are full of concern.

''Do you think we're safe here? I mean…. really safe. Not like the prison or even like Terminus was supposed to be, just is it….'', he sighs, unsure of his words, ''is it safe enough that we don't have to starve anymore, or risk our lives everyday?''

My expression softens, and I reach out to touch his face. He leans in to my soft hand on his freckled cheek.

We had been thinking about the same thing, I realize. It wasn't just my meaningless worrying, Carl thought about it too. It probably crossed everyone's minds at least once, considering we are all still sticking together. After all that has happened, we weren't quick to trust and separate.

''Carl to be honest, we're never _truly_ safe, no matter how strong the wall or how many guns we have. But there are good people here, I'm sure of it. We can be happy here; you and Me.'' he smiles at my words.

''And Judith and my Dad'', I raise your eyebrows, '' _and_ Daryl'' he adds with a laugh.

I hug him, giggling like a child. I feel better now, and am convinced that I could find happiness here in Alexandria. I could finally be happy with my family; Carl and Judith, Rick, Daryl, Michonne, Glenn and Maggie, _everyone._

I give a toothy grin to Carl and he grins back, before kissing me right on the mouth; still smiling. You kiss him back, tangling your hands in his long dark hair.

We part, both gasping for breath. My cheeks had reddened from the exhilaration, so Carl smirks at me. Pouting, I try and turn away from him but he grabs my waist and kisses all over my face. I can't help but let out a laugh, and squirm about in his grasp.

''C-Carl! You'll wake….everyone…up!'' I gasp out between giggles.

I suddenly grab his hands and hold them still, giving a serious expression.

''Go to sleep'' I order him, mocking a stern voice.

He chuckles and releases his hands saying, ''aw Avie, you're no fun''.

''We need the rest'' I reason with him.

He looks down admitting defeat.

''You're right'', then he quickly looks up at me from behind his eyelashes, ''as _always_ ''.

I stick out my tongue at him and roll over, so my back is against his chest. ''Bully'' I sulk.

I feel the vibrations of his chest when he laughs, as he wraps his long arms around my waist once again.

''G'night Avery Sinclair'' Carl whispers in my ear.

''Goodnight Carl Grimes'' I reply softly.

I close my eyes.

And I dream about The Sinking Girl.


	2. A Loss So Great

**Chapter 1**

They are everywhere.

Walkers cloud my vision every direction I go, like a huge swarm of insects. When I feel cold hands on my skin, I swat them away frantically; shaking my arm anywhere I can.

 _'Just need to get away.'_

I have no idea where my parents are, or even my big sister Susie. They had all gone to repair the Walker alarm earlier that morning; some of the tin cans had fallen off of the wire. Ironically, an hour or so later a horde had attacked the camp and my family was nowhere in sight.

My thoughts will not process through my jumbled brain at all; the adrenaline had taken over completely. All I can do is keep on running and running, until there is not one single walker left to bring me harm.

A voice from the depths of my mind calls out to me, pleading ''my family! Go back, go back! Don't leave them there, don't leave me all by myself!''.

The voice may as well have been talking in another language because my brain is in no state to process any logical train of thought. My feet just continued to pound into the mud, leaving a trail of footprints behind.

I had been running for what seemed like hours, but could have only been minutes. Heavy breaths heave out of my chest, gasping for air. My legs are sore, and my body feels near collapse, but I can not stop. I feel as if something was forcing me away. Away from the horror and what it would do to me if I saw it.

''Avery!''

Suddenly, my ears pop, my head clears and all my senses come flooding back. My running abruptly comes to a stop forcing a rapid wave of nausea to turn my stomach, so I clutch my chest in pain. I turn my body slowly towards the familiar voice, hopes soaring into the sky.

''S-Susie!?'' I cry out, my eyes searching relentlessly for the source of my big sisters voice.

And then she's there. And I'm in her arms. And I'm sobbing, crying out for all I had lost in the last hour.

Not only did I cry out for my parents and their almost certain painful deaths, I cried for myself.

I cried for the little girl stuck inside a world where she has to run from her own _family_ to keep herself safe.

Time had passed since me and Susie had reunited, and the moon was shining in the sky like a huge flashlight; banishing all the threatening shadows.

Our hands are entwined; mostly because we did not want to lose each other again, but also since I need the comfort.

I had mourned for my parents, but now that time was over.

It is time to survive.

''We need to find a place to stay the night'', my sister breaks the suffocating silence.

I just give a simple nod, not trusting my sore throat to produce anything close to words.

We both keep going with heavy hearts and tear streaked cheeks.

An hour later, a run down toilet block looms in front of us as menacing as a feral dog.

It gave me a feeling of dread, but Susie welcomed it with joy.

''This is great Avery! We hit the jackpot!'' She grins over to me.

I give a small smile back only because I knew she was trying to cheer me up.

Susie rushes over to the cement wall of the block, moving around to the front….

And screams.

In panic, I sprint over to see a dozen of walkers tearing my sister apart. Blood flowed out of multiple bites on her body, leaving red trails across her skin.

My hand comes up to cover my open mouth; smothering my hysterical screeches.

I am frozen, eyes wide open in horror. I feel useless and futile; there is no saving my sister from _this_.

She is crying in agony, yet her eyes never leave mine. Seeing my body unmoving and locked in place she pleaded to me, ''Avery please! Please just get out of here! You'll be okay, I know you will. You'll be…..AAHHHHH''

A walker bites deep into my sister's throat leaving a mess of blood and muscle.

It is all too much, my insides feel like they are being ripped and torn; mimicking that of my sisters flesh.

Screaming, I ran. To get away from this, all of this. I am exhausted, but none of it matters anymore.

I push trees and branches from my face; receiving small cuts along my arms and legs. I hardly notice, my body is too numb.

I ran until my legs collapsed, and my feet were blistered. My knees buckle to the ground, so I fall onto my back. My eyes glance at the millions of stars, but they soon became unrecognisable from the amount of tears in my eyes.

My chest is heaving, from the running and the sobbing. I shut my eyes tight and claw at the mud in frustration.

My loss was immense, too big for my young mind to comprehend. It was too unreal, too dreamlike to actually have happened.

But deep down I knew the truth; I would never see them again.

Rolling onto my side my grieving howls start to fade into whimpers and my mind begins to fall into unconsciousness.


	3. A New Beginning

*Disclaimer*

 **I DON'T OWN THE WALKING DEAD OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS**

 **Chapter 2**

When I had first awoken it seemed as if life was normal. I was at home in my bed, my parent's downstairs cooking breakfast and my sister was in her room singing loudly. But then it slowly sank in that something was wrong.

My bed felt too hard to be a mattress and my pillow seemed to have completely disappeared. There was no scent of bacon and eggs wafting under my door. And I couldn't hear the loud out of tune voice of my sister at all.

My eyes flew open and I sat up abruptly; breathing through my nostrils. I looked around myself frantically, taking in all the surroundings.

That had been twenty minutes ago.

Now I am on the side of a road, the smooth black tar sweltering in the heat. The woods are behind me, but I refuse to look back; scared of what I will see.

Memories of the night before flash through my head, but I force myself to block them out.

I am _not_ ready to face it yet.

Slowly, I rise to my feet and groan in pain. My joints pop as I stretch out my sore arms and legs. I glance at the small cuts across my skin, barely remembering how they got there.

My legs feel like jelly and I am unsure if I can actually walk.

In frustration, I run my hands through my long ebony hair; pulling out the knots and dirt.

Walking is the only way to get away from this place, so it is my only choice.

Wiping my teary eyes, I start to walk down the middle of the road; one step at a time. Every time my foot hits the ground, I wince in pain. The blisters will take some time to heal.

I begin to fall into a daze, my mind shutting down to rest as I subconsciously stumble along. It is because of this that I didn't hear the low rumble of a motorcycle in the distance.

Only when it came to a stop right in front of me did I look up, the fear not processing all at once.

A man sits atop the bike, looking at me with a strange look on his face. He has brown hair that is cut just past his ears and a small goatee with stubble across his chin. He has on a leather vest, and strategically holds a crossbow in his hands.

It takes me some time to realise that, that crossbow was pointing at me.

Cautiously, I hold up both of my hands in surrender. He looks like he is dangerous, so I definitely don't want to be on his bad side.

He gets off his bike and comes closer to me; moving as swift and quiet as a cat.

''What are ya doing out here all by yourself?'' he asks me in a gruff voice.

My mouth opens and closes nervously, looking for words. I don't know what to tell him; the truth or something I make up.

''I…..my camp was overrun. I lost my…..my family'', I sob, ''I ran all the way here after it happened. I only…. woke up a couple minutes ago'' I decide to tell the truth.

He doesn't say anything; he just looks at me with that same strange expression.

Finally he says, ''what's your name?''

''A….Avery'' I reply uneasily.

I feel like I can trust him, but I am still hesitant.

''Well I got a group back that way'', he waves his arm behind himself, ''you would be welcome there''

He says this awkwardly, like he was telling me where the bathroom is. This just makes me trust him even more, he seems so…..real.

''That would be nice actually'' I answer.

A new group will be good for me; they will take my mind off…things. Besides what else am I going to do? I have no food, no water and no shelter. This is my only chance of survival.

The man beckons me over to his motorcycle before getting on. Following suit I climb onto the back, unsure of what to do with my hands.

''Tis alright, you'll fall off otherwise'' he assures me.

I wrap my arms around his waist shyly, as he turns on the ignition and the bike hums to life.

''Names Daryl by the way'' he shouts over the loud rumble.

And then we're speeding down the road; the wind whipping my black hair across my shoulders.

 **Carls POV**

The familiar growl of Daryl's bike roars in the distance; a tiny speck quickly growing larger against the horizon.

He had gone out to try scavenging for some more supplies, since the house we raided earlier didn't really offer much.

We are starving and not to mention, unprotected from the walkers.

We have been moving around all winter, never staying in one place for long but enough to regain our strength. But lately we have been trying to find something more permanent and secure. Dad is going crazy trying to find a safe house, so Mom can have the baby without Walkers all around.

I scowl at the though of my mom and a surge of anger pulses through me. Ever since Dad told her about Shane….she hasn't talked to him like she used to.

She doesn't understand; Shane was trying to kill Dad! She should be mad at me too, huh? Since I shot him in the head when he came back as a…..Walker….

I sigh, a deep sadness overcoming me. I slump my shoulders and begin to walk over towards Daryl's now parked motorcycle, hoping to be of some help.

Only when I'm a few steps away do I notice the scared little face hiding behind Daryl's back.

I cock my head to the side, so I can get a better look at her.

She seems to be around my age, and is small and slender. She has long hair almost the colour of charcoal, which reaches to the middle of her back; a few strands stuck to her pale face with sweat. Her features are soft, although straining in fear. Beneath her dark mane, two deep emerald eyes glow. They are filled with an intense pain; I can tell something horrible has happened to her straight away.

All of a sudden the eyes of agony are on me, searching directly for my eyes. As soon as they catch them they seem to relax; the skin around them smoothing out.

Daryl seems to notice the change in her demeanour, and gives a slight smirk at the girl. I can see affection and humour in his eyes, something I haven't seen in a long time.

''Avery this is Carl'', he motions to me with his hand, ''Carl this is Avery''

Avery. It is a strange name, but it suits her somehow. I keep repeating it in my head; almost as if I am scared I will forget.

I step forward cautiously, so I can talk to her.

''You don't have to worry about big tough guy over here, he wouldn't hurt a fly'' I lean in as I joke, to try and make her feel more comfortable.

At first she smiles, but one look at Daryl's glowering face and she lets out a laugh.

She has a beautiful laugh, and it gives me the urge to hear it again. In fact, I want to hear it a lot.

''Yeah, I think I had that worked out a while ago'' she gives a small grin, her laughter swept away by the wind.

I chuckle, and hold out my hand for her to shake. She slowly moves forward from behind Daryl, and clasps my hand in both of hers.

''It's nice to meet you'' she says in all seriousness, yet forcing another laugh from my mouth.

It feels strange to laugh again; I haven't done so in such a long time. But now here is this girl, making me laugh without even trying.

''Never thought I'd ever here anyone say that again, but nice to meet you too'' I give a reassuring smile, so she knows I mean it.

She returns the look, but then replaces it with the same fearful expression from before.

''Where is everyone else?'' she asks quietly.

''Oh they're'', I look around searching for someone…..more happy like Maggie or Hershel but to no avail, ''around. Probably just thinking is all'' I answer, also brought back to my depressing state.

''Thinking about what?'' she questions with a puzzled look.

''Thinking about where we're gonna live'' I simply say.


	4. New People, New Things

**Avery POV**

My new group is….interesting.

At first glance they all seemed like normal people; grieving, holding on to whatever they have left or at least pretending to stay strong. But once I had met some of them, I realised that they are different from the people I knew.

From what Carl has told me, I know a lot has happened to these people, and I can tell by their demeanours. They act differently; keeping their head held high and their feet steady on the ground.

They are survivors.

I am unsure if I can fit in with this group, I feel so…helpless compared to them all. I have nothing to offer them, but another mouth to feed; I can't even shoot a gun! But selfish as I am, I'm desperate to stay with them.

Meeting Carl had been a surprise; all thoughts of my family seemed to fade away at the sight of his smile, or the sound of his laugh. Although, now that he's gone off somewhere the pain has come back

I try my best to block it out; I hate the feeling it brings in the bottom of my stomach. Any distraction is welcome, so I often use my own happy thoughts to take my mind off my tragic memories.

I think about when I met some of the group.

After meeting Carl, I had met Maggie and Glenn.

Maggie is really lovely; with short brown hair and a caring face. When we met she gave me a reassuring smile and patted my shoulder. She reminds me of my sister a lot, making me trust her immediately.

Glenn has shiny black hair and almond shaped eyes. He's handsome in a boyish sort of way; I can see why he and Maggie are dating. He also gave me a small smile, before they both walked away to get some water from the creek.

Meeting them had made me feel better, and my spirits had lifted out of the gutter. If Daryl hadn't found me when he did, I would probably be collapsed on the side of the road crying my eyes out. Just laying their waiting to be Walker food…

''Avery?''

Speak of the devil.

I look up and see Daryl with a pretty woman at his side. She has really short greyish hair, and big green eyes. She smiles kindly at me and holds out her hand.

''I'm Carol, Daryl's been telling me about you. I'm sorry about your….family'' she falters on the word and quickly looks down at her feet.

The mention of my family almost makes me burst into tears, but I clench my teeth and hold them back.

I refuse to live my life grieving about everything that happens to me, I'll just think about the…positive things.

''You don't have to say sorry, I've got nothing else lose now'' I say with my voice straining, staring into space.

Carol and Daryl look shocked at my words, so Carol holds her hand to my check worriedly.

''Oh honey, don't think of it like that. You don't have to stay strong all the time, its okay to cry'' she pats my back, thinking that she's reassuring me. _Consoling_ me.

I hate it.

''I'm not trying to do that! I'm not being strong; I'm just getting on with my life! That's what we're supposed to do right!? You don't understand, you'll _never_ understand!'' I shout in a furious voice, as anger clouds over me.

I push Carol's hands off me, forcing her to stagger back with a mortified expression. I can see tears in the corners of her eyes, and I feel a sharp pang of guilt but immediately suppress it.

Scrunching up my face, I turn on my heels and run; Daryl's outstretched hand slipping off my shoulder. My vision is blocked from my arm across my eyes, desperately attempting to dry my seeping eyelids. Suddenly my body slams into a hard surface, so my hands fly up to lessen the impact.

My fingers grip soft material, almost like the texture of….cotton? Eyes widening, I slowly look up into the barrel of a gun; pointed straight at my forehead. My eyes continue to travel to the calloused hand clutching the gun, and then on up the arm until they finally rest on a face.

The gun wielding man has a scary face, his blue eyes holding no mercy for me; only complete violence and distrust. His chin is covered by a small brown beard the same colour of his smoothed back hair.

He frightens me instantly, and I can't help the slight shivers rolling up my spine.

''Who are you?'' he asks slowly, in a voice cold as ice.

''I...I-I….'' my throat completely swells, breaking off any attempt of speech.

His eyes squint in a quizzical but offensive stare, inching me backwards step by step.

\

My knees bend, getting ready to sprint for their life when…..

''DAD! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Carl rushes over to us in a rage, forcing himself in front of me and spreading out his arms protectively.

The man looks furious and pushes Carl out of the way, aiming the gun once again at my face.

''Carl stop. We don't know her, so we can't trust her. You know that'' he cautions his son, in a sharp voice.

''No Dad _you_ stop! You're aiming your gun at a thirteen year old girl, not a thirty year old serial killer! You're scaring her to death, just talk to her like a sane person!'' Carl screams in his fathers face, alerting everyone to the scene.

The man looks surprised at his son's outburst, but reluctantly lowers his gun. He has the decency to look slightly ashamed of his actions, now that everyone was surrounding us; Daryl grabbing hold of him for restraint.

''Not cool Rick'' Daryl says pointedly to the man.

Rick holds Daryl's gaze before returning his renewed eyes upon me. They are no longer filled with hate, but are still cloudy by means of uncertainty.

My shivering has subdued, settling down to just the slight quavering in my hands. Sensing this, Carl approaches me and takes my cold hands in his. They instantly fill me with warmth, not just in my palms but all over my body. My shaking completely stills.

''Its okay Avery, no one is going to hurt you'' Carl reassures me, searching for my eyes.

I squeeze his hands and give a silent nod, glancing up at Rick as I do so. He still looks hesitant but finally spreads his hands in defeat.

He sighs, ''Fine. But Carl, she is _your_ responsibility''.

Carl gives his father a serious look, giving an understanding nod before turning around to face me; a smile replacing his scowl. He looks so happy; I can't help but smile back at him.

''Looks like I have to take care of you'' he smirks, ''you better not run off somewhere where I can't see you'' he warns jokingly.

I let out a small laugh, ''I don't think I'll be running off anywhere too soon''.

Still grabbing my hands and laughing, he pulls me over the road; where everyone has now grouped together. I spot the group looking over a map on top of one of the cars, discussing something which seems really important.

Tugging my arm, Carl tells me ''c'mon we have to stand watch''.

''Watch for what?'' I say in confusion.

Carl looks at me in disbelief, before saying, ''walkers, what else?"

''But there isn't any for miles….'' I say uncertainly.

Carl sighs, ''never think you're safe, because you're not. That's what will get you killed''.

My cheeks heat up from embarrassment, so I turn away from Carl to face the others. My eyes fall onto a woman sitting alone inside one of the cars. She's looking off into the distance, with her face scrunched in annoyance.

''That's my mom, her names Lori. She's pregnant. She's the reason why my dad is trying so hard to find somewhere safe, and why he's being so…cautious'' I hear Carl state behind me, his voice oddly without emotion.

Without turning to around to face him, I say ''that's understandable. But why is she so angry? Shouldn't she be grateful everyone is trying so hard for her?''

I find myself getting irritated by the woman, although the reason why was unknown to me.

''Things are….complicated'' Carl stutters; this time oddly expressive.

I open my mouth to reply, but suddenly Daryl and Rick come running out of the woods.

Everyone runs to meet them, including me. A one sided grin is plastered onto Daryl's face, meaning definitely good news.

Rick clears his throat, ''we've found a prison just a ways over there. We can clear the front yard by tonight, and deal with the rest tomorrow.'' He can barely contain his excitement, glancing over at Lori who has now joined the group.

A prison doesn't sound very hospitable to me, but it does sound safe. Better than living life on the run, especially with a baby. My eyes stare at the round lump of Lori's stomach, squirming with discomfort. I have never been good with pregnancies, or any sort of operation. They make me feel like it all was happening to me; like _my_ chest was being ripped open or _my_ leg was being sawed off.

Pushing the nauseous thoughts away, I bring my attention back to the conversation.

An old man with white hair and kind eyes wrinkled with age, asks to Rick, ''how many Walkers are we talking about here Rick? I don't want to be putting my daughters in danger''

''There is around a dozen, maybe two'' he answers the old man. I can see that Rick has a deep respect for this man, from the way he speaks and acts towards him.

''Are you sure we should really do this?'' a dark skinned man now questions Rick.

''We've got no other choice'' he replies darkly.


	5. Strength

**Chapter 4**

 ***Authors Note***

Sorry this is so late, I just couldn't write what i wanted to write if you know what i mean? Hopefully this is good though, and i'll try really hard to upload soon.

 **Disclaimer-** I do not own The Walking Dead or any of its characters!

The cool night air brings relief to my flushed skin; clammy from sweat and heat. The darkness is alight by the crackling flames of a small fire, which supplies warmth and comfort throughout the group.

Here we are, sitting together huddled close to the sparks, reminiscing in our victory.

Taking down the walkers had been too easy for us. This group is obviously much more experienced in….defending themselves than what I thought.

It was obvious they had done stuff like that before, but I don't want to think about how often it actually happens.

The wind begins to bring a sudden chill, so I tug the edges of my jacket closer to my body.

Contempt with my position, I continue to nibble on the small bone I had been given for 'dinner'. I hadn't eaten in days, so it did not surprise me when I practically ripped into the meat like a wild animal. But as soon as it had appeared, it was gone; all that was left was the gritty bone I now gnaw on.

Carl is next to me; staring at his Dad who is still walking along the prison fence, checking for any breaches. Rick is an interesting man; he goes out of his way to protect his wife who almost never talks to him. Despite our first encounter, I have grown to respect him. It's clear that everybody else accepts and supports him as their leader, so if he likes it or not he's stuck with the job.

Suddenly Hershel- the old man with the kind eyes- speaks up, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen over us.

''Bethy'' he begins in a soft voice, ''sing Paddy Reilly for me?''

He looks over at his young daughter Beth, who returns the look with exasperation.

''I haven't heard that, I think, since your mother was alive'' Hershel looks down at the ground with a strange cheerful solemness.

''Daddy not that one please'' Maggie warns her father, with wary eyes.

Hershel looks away, before trying again to convince his daughter to sing.

''How about the Parting Glass?''

Beth returns her fathers pleading eyes with a slight defiance, ''No one wants to hear''

I _do_ want to hear, I love music and I haven't heard a good song in such a long time. I used to sing to myself when I was alone, but it ended up making me more sad than happy.

''Why not?'', Glenn says to Beth softly.

She draws in a deep breath and finally says, ''okay''.

Nervously, she begins to sing the lyrics and I surprisingly recognise the song. My mother used to sing this to me when I had nightmares as a child, so the words hold great meaning to me.

Once Beth had sung through a third of the song, she looks over to her sister asking her to join in. Maggie gives a small smile and added her voice with Beth's to create a peaceful melody.

A single tear rolls down my check as I picture my mother sitting down there singing instead of Beth and Maggie, and my chest begins to ache. I really haven't had time to just sit and think about what happened only yesterday, I was too caught up in my own fear and will to stay _alive_. I feel like its only just sank in, now that I'm looking around at all these strangers huddled together like a real _family_ , it makes me realise that mine is well and truly gone. All the feelings I had bottled up inside, come pouring out like a soft silent stream. I think my body can't take much more than just quiet whimpers, after all it had been through the day before. But I think I liked this way of grieving much more instead of the harsh violent howls I had done that night. It allowed me to peacefully let them go, one by one.

Carl picks up on my grief and while still on his stomach, clutches my hand within his. I turn and give him a smile of gratitude, wiping my eyes and nose to show him I'm alright. Carl makes me want to be strong, so if the time ever comes I can fight beside him without any fear.

Hoisting my train of thought away from my family is hard, but if I want be a member of this group I need to have strength; both physically and mentally.

I notice that Daryl and Carol have rejoined the group and are standing together, happily listening to the two girls sing. I take a quick glance at Carols face but she catches my eyes and gives me a small smile. I shyly return her smile, guilt flowing through every part of my body. I feel so bad about what I said to Carol, and I still don't completely understand why I said it. She was just trying to be kind to me, but for some reason I couldn't stand someone trying to tell me that it was _okay_ to break down. In this world, letting your emotions take over you means death; either yours or someone else's. I would never make that mistake again. Only in situations like this where it's safe, would I allow it to happen.

Rick has finally returned as well and has sat down next to Carl and joined the group. I watch as he offers Lori some of his dinner to which she at first rejects, but when he continues to hold it out to her she takes a small piece of meat. My heart goes out to Rick; it amazes me how he can still manage to show kindness to her.

We all continue to sit in silence as Maggie and Beth finish their song.

''Beautiful'' Hershel says with genuine happiness. A smile makes its way onto my face, glad that beautiful things can still exist in a world like this.

But the moment is quickly over when Rick begins to inform us of his plan to infiltrate _into_ the prison.

''After all we've been through, we can handle it. I know it'' he tells us. He says it so confidently I can't help but to believe him, even though he is taking a big risk.

Since we don't have enough guns to take out all the walkers near the entrance, we're going to use brute force. As scary as it sounds, it believe these people have the power to do this.

Looking down to Carl, Rick continues to say ''these assholes don't stand a chance''. Rick gets back up onto his feet and begins to walk back towards the fence, but is stopped by Lori a distance away. Their too far for me to hear their conversation, but I can tell by the body language of them both it's a talk they don't want to have.

I look over to Carl and see that he's watching them as well. His expression is a mix of anger, grief and loneliness. Noticing our hands still entwined, I give his a comforting squeeze. He turns his face towards me, now filled with a slight warmth. We both don't say anything, for words can't give something like this an explanation. We use only our bodies to communicate our understanding, so with our hands still together we lay down on our sides opposite of each other.

Carl's face is the last thing I see before I close my eyes, yet his face is still there almost like it's projected onto the back of my eyelids. And in that moment I know that every time I go to fall asleep, this is what I want see.


	6. Killers

**Chapter 5**

 **Authors Note**

 **Well. I'm aware of my actions. BUT. Luckily the new episodes of TWD have gotten me to resume this story. Even though they made me so SAD. But anyway I hope you enjoy this, sorry it's so short. (^_^)**

 ***Disclaimer***

 **I DON'T OWN THE WALKING DEAD OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS BUT IF I DID NEGAN WOULD BE DEAD.**

I sigh in delight as I plop down on the prison bed, my head landing on the amazingly soft pillow. I don't think anything has felt this comfortable in a long time, so I take care to savor every detail of this fantastic moment. I close my eyes in contempt, but immediately open them again when I inhale the overpowering stench of rotting flesh. Annnnnnnnd the moments gone. I let out another sigh-except in irritation rather than pleasure-, and sit back up on the edge of the frame. Everything seems so dirty now, like everything I touch is soiled and it just spreads right through me.

I jump from the bed and exit my cell block, in search of a friendly face. It seems like everyone's inside their own cells, so I continue over to the stairs until my eyes fall onto a relaxed body on the ground.

Daryl.

I awkwardly clear my throat to catch his attention, so he looks over to me with a confusing expression.

''Ah hey…..'' I begin to say not knowing what to say in situations like this, ''I'm glad that you're alive''. An amused smirk makes its way onto Daryl's scruffy face, as he rests his head on the back of his hands.

'Yeah so am I'' he grins. My face heats up, embarrassed at my stupid attempt at conversation.

Rick, Glenn, Maggie, T dog and Daryl had volunteered to clear out the walkers in the front entrance of the prison, as according to Rick's plan. The rest of us stayed at the fence and tried to distract walkers away from them, while also stabbing them in the head if they came close enough. I was terrified at first and when a walker made its way over to me, I completely froze up. Memories of that night threatened to overflow, but when Carl reached over and placed his hand on my shoulder reassuringly, my fear eased away. I watched as he stabbed a walker straight in the middle of the head and as it fell down, blood spurting out of the wound. Newfound strength and courage welled up inside me and I pierced the walker in front of me with a loud yell. I had looked over at Carl and he smiled at me before then taking down another walker. It had become easier after that and I had felt no hesitation whatsoever.

It had felt good I realize, it had felt good to put those walkers down and watch as their false life escaped them. They weren't people, so it was a favor to put them out of their misery. I hate them. They caused all this; they took my family away from me!

''Avery?'' Daryl is looking at me in concern. I gasp out loud, horrified at my own thoughts. When did it become like this?

''Are you alright kiddo? You look like you're bout to be sick'' he says worriedly. He sits up and holds out his arms ready to catch me if I fall. I take a deep breath and swallow down the heavy feeling in my chest.

''Ah yeah, I'm f-fine. It's just the smell, you know'' I say hoping that he won't press it any further. Daryl raises his eyebrows, but the distress seems to be gone from his face now.

He exaggeratedly sniffs the air a few times before returning his gaze back to me. ''Huh, never noticed before. Guess I'm just used to it''.

I know he means it as a joke, but I don't laugh. The smell has gotten worse, and my stomach is churning.

''Well bye now'' I quickly say to him, giving a small wave before practically running back to my cell. I barely make it inside when everything just comes up. It doesn't last for very long, since I haven't had a good meal in weeks.

I cough a few more times before then collapsing against my bed. I stare at the puddle of vomit and realize the horrible smell is gone. In fact, I'm not even sure if it was there in the first place. Everything that had happened with the stabbing and killing must have broken through my defenses. My mind is going crazy. It must be. I shouldn't be able to so easily kill these things, they were once people! They could've been mothers, father, sons and daughters and there I was just slaughtering them all.

My head begins to reel and my stomach gurgles for a second round. I double over and dry retch, my body completely numb. Tears are in my eyes as I sit back up again and finally notice the hand on my back. Swinging my head slowly around, Carl's concerned face comes into view.

''Avery what's wrong with you!? Are you sick, what did you eat? Oh my god, have you been bitten?'' he says in a hysterical tone, with his eyes roaming my body for any bite wounds.

''N-no I'm just not feeling to g-good that's all'' I manage to rasp out.

He looks at me in disbelief and manages to half lift-half drag me onto my bed. He softly places my head onto the pillow and then goes to sit on the edge of the bed frame.

''Please tell me what's wrong'' the force in his eyes surprises me and I know that he isn't going to take an 'I'm fine' for an answer.

I rest my hand over my eyes and confess my pitiable troubles to him. Once I'm done I remove my hand from my face and glance at him. His expression once again surprises me, except this time it's filled with affection.

''Avery those… _things_ aren't people. They're murderers. You shouldn't feel ashamed for killing them; you're probably saving someone else's life by doing it. By feeling remorse, you're only giving yourself weakness. And weak people don't survive,'' he says this confidently but suddenly his voice turns soft, ''Avery, I _want_ you to survive''.

I sit up flushing, as my blood rises against my pale skin. I stare into Carl's deep blue irises and begin to feel lost inside their ocean of azure. Everything freezes and my body has a mind of its own and Carl is getting closer and closer….

''Hey is everything…...'' we both bolt up as Lori walks in and a slight smile forms on her face, ''okay in here?''

Carl goes red and says, ''ah yeah, I was just uh making sure Avery was...okay''. He laughs awkwardly before then sprinting out of my room.

I blush as Lori stares at me. My dislike for her seems to grow even stronger.

''They're about to clear out the rest of the prison, if you would like to... see them off'' she says with that all knowing parent grin before then leaving as well.

My gaze follows her out of the door and then I hold my face in my hands. I breathe in and out and begin to feel calmer. About the walkers, the killing and about…Carl. My heart had been beating so fast I thought my chest would explode. And I cant keep my mind from wondering what could have happened if Lori didn't come in when she did.

I shake my head and then exit my cell to run down the stairs.

 **Authors Note**

 **If you guys think I should continue with this story or not please tell me! Then I will know if I should post more often. (*+*)**


End file.
